Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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