When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
