Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
