I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
