I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
