New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is it penis luge time yet?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
