she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
