woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Couch. On fire.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
