i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
