the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
