He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
