I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah