3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka