wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower