she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?