He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
