ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

  Fav 40 4496 960

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..

  Fav 36 1100 11023

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel

  Fav 16 1099 3648

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

  Fav 10 3940 1467

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

  Fav 37 2521 8425

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life

  Fav 8 3025 1171

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (518): View more from New York

  I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands

  Fav 12 4759 1889

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.

  Fav 3 761 1558

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

  Fav 4 1465 1382

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (914): View more from New York

  All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

  Fav 6 3365 956

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

  Fav 4 1963 872

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings

  Fav 5 1529 1905

  share tweet
  

• (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.

  Fav 0 557 455

  share tweet
  

• (858): View more from California

  Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever

  Fav 1 624 401

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus

  Fav 0 181 250

  share tweet
  

Randomize