Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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  (405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her http://tfl.nu/rds9
  Replies (20) Good night (1166) Bad night (2041)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

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  (469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b
  Replies (7) Good night (3050) Bad night (837)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like

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  (901): i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like http://tfl.nu/ceub
  Replies (41) Good night (3275) Bad night (1092)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes

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  (859): i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes http://tfl.nu/xf12
  Replies (19) Good night (1041) Bad night (3691)
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  (949): View more from California

  Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?

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  (949): Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it? http://tfl.nu/e2vj
  Replies (12) Good night (1456) Bad night (4349)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

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  (479): Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born http://tfl.nu/g2yi
  Replies (2) Good night (3395) Bad night (1047)
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  (925): View more from California

  I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.

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  (925): I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent. http://tfl.nu/smsr
  Replies (4) Good night (2194) Bad night (628)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.

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  (918): Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met. http://tfl.nu/7r98
  Replies (3) Good night (2537) Bad night (743)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

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  (705): He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment. http://tfl.nu/68lb
  Replies (7) Good night (2083) Bad night (929)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.

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  (715): She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird. http://tfl.nu/gla6
  Replies (8) Good night (1452) Bad night (730)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"

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  (647): Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?" http://tfl.nu/c4jm
  Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (1013)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time

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  (403): I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time http://tfl.nu/5di6
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (470)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….

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  (303): You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas…. http://tfl.nu/ehgv
  Replies (0) Good night (620) Bad night (372)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.

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  (412): At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center. http://tfl.nu/9xaw
  Replies (0) Good night (129) Bad night (210)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.

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  (607): I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time. http://tfl.nu/1wgm
  Replies (1) Good night (256) Bad night (57)

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