My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say