Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
