cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to make out with him forever
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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