There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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