i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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