I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
