I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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