You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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