I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
