I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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