you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
