I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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