So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
