I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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