You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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