i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
