Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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