Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
