oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
