Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
