I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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