I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have demons in me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
