You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
