worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
