I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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