Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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