We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
