one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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