I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
