I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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