dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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