She's JV to your varsity
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
