My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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