your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
