Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
