This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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