so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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