I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
