to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
