I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
