Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
