I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
