and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
