Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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