good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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