yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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