Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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