This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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