we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
