Small penises have feelings too.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
