it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize