He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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