I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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