how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize