Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
