Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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