Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
