I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
