eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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