Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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