New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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