The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
