is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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