And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
not ubering you a puppy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
