he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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