i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
