we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
