She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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